It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
