she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
