do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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