listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
