Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Will exercising make me less horny?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
