The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
