erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
tell me about the fingering
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