I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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