I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
