fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
