Midget sex pt 2 tonight
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
