Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
