so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
