yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
