Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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