Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
