How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
