my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
