i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
