I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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