Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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