i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am naked and annoyed.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
