Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
