at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
