I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
