he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
