Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
