Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
