I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
