I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
