If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
