so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
