I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
