I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
