Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
