I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dicks are not precious.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
