I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
