my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's blow job season.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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