He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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