My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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