they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His nipple licking is glorious
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