I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
