I smell stomach acid.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
