The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
