she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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