i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
