I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
