We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
