I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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