the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
