No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
