Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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