Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
