i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
