i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
