just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
