$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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