You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
